


Faceless

by wiccaning



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst?, Broken Up, Drama, F/F, Idk its pretty edgy, Past Relationship(s), relationship drama, sort of implied alcohol abuse??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiccaning/pseuds/wiccaning
Summary: Ymir was doing okay. At least, that's what she thinks, until she finds herself drunk again and unable to move on from Historia, who seems to be doing just fine without her.





	Faceless

Ymir pressed the bottle to her lips, finishing it off. She looked at it for a minute, before throwing it. The bottle hit a wall, shattering into dozens of glass shards. Ymir looked around her apartment, which had become a mess in the past weeks. The sink was piled with unwashed dishes from microwave dinners. Beer bottles littered the floor, some empty, some half full, and some had been knocked over, spilling their contents onto the unwashed floor.

_Well, Ymir, you did it again. You went and fucked up the one good thing in your life,_ she thought to herself. She almost laughed at how pathetic she was. _God, what a fuck up you are. She’s obviously moved on. She proved it to you today. She’s moved on. It’s over. Get over it. It’s…over._ It was these thoughts that finally made Ymir break, and for the first time in a very long time, she cried. She cried for a long time from her spot up against the wall, oily hair spilling into her eyes.

_I’ve got to apologize._ It was a thought that shocked Ymir herself, but she knew it was right. _Why, though? Never done it before. I’ve never really… apologized to anyone. God, I’m such a bitch._  She leaned her head against the wall. _Well… I gotta tell her somehow. But how? She’s not gonna answer **any** of my calls and I cant just show up… and she’s blocked me on everything. _ She frowned, trying her hardest to think of an idea in her in her very intoxicated state. Then an idea, whether it was a good one or not, she didn’t know, came to her.

_A letter. Old school, out of date and cheesy as fuck, but I think it’s the only option._ She thought, trying to stand up. She stumbled around her apartment looking for a pen and paper, a fairly difficult task when you live in the 21st century and are drunk in a messy house. She found them eventually, and sat down and began writing.

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Historia rolled over and groggily checked the time. _12:38,_ her phone read. She sighed, looking at the empty space in her bed beside her. She hesitated, before kicking up the covers and getting up. She walked into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup of coffee.

_Its nice enough out. Why don’t I start this morning off outside,_ she thought, heading to the front door. She stepped into the warm sun and sat down, watching the cars drive by. She finished her coffee, and sat outside for a while.

_Might as well check the mail_ , she thought absentmindedly. She walked down to the mailbox, and opened it. It was empty except for a piece of paper, folded up and taped messily. She pulled it out curiously. It was addressed to her in messy handwriting and she could see it was full of grammatical errors, but something was different; It was addressed to her real name- not the fake one she’d been using for years. A little confused, she walked back to the steps, and began to read.

_To Historia,_

_I dont really know how to start this thing. but who cares? Im drunk as fuck right now and will probably regret this in the morning. All I want is for you to read it all. I guess ill start this mess by saying this: I never cheated on you. I never would have fucking thought of it. You were the one fucking thing in my life that mattered to me okay. I don’t know who told you that but theyre god damn lier. I want you to know I mean that. These past weeks have been fucking hell with out you Historia. but that doesnt hurt as much as knowing youve moved on. I thought I had too, unitll I saw you at the store the other day and how happy you are without me. I guess, all I want to say is im sorry. Im sorry for all the shit I did and I wish I could start it all over again, but that doesnt matter. youre happy without me and I have to accept that. I need too_

_I wouldn’t have written you a letter but I didnt have any other way to contact you. When I finish im going to walk over to your house and deliver it, then stumble back home. Or get hit by a car or some shit_

_Im not expecting to get back together with you, because you have every right to hate me. Im not expecting you to talk to me again, or something like that. All I want is for you to know how sorry I am, and for you to live a life you can be proud of._

_Much love and goodbye,_

_Ymir_

Historia finished the letter and looked at it blankly, unsure of what to make of it. She read over it again, but noticed that some of the ink had bled. _She was crying,_ She thought. _Ymir, the most stone cold person I’ve met, was crying._ Historia stood up, still holding the letter. _She was being genuine. Oh my god, what do I do,_ she thought going back into the house, her thoughts racing. She put her cup in the sink, still going over the message in the letter. _She’s not lying, I know that. Ymir’s the kind of person who doesn’t sugar coat shit. But even so, this seems out of character,_ Historia thought, pressing her fingers to her forehead. _Whatever, I’m just going to forget about it_ , she decided, and she went about her day as normal- that is, until she was about to go to bed.

 

_Why am I still awake,_ Historia thought, turning over in her bed. _It’s not because of that stupid letter, is it? God I hope not. It’s not like I’m worried or anything._ She bolted up. A thought struck her, and she threw off the covers, then rose from the bed.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ymir?” Historia called, opening the door slowly.

“Hello?” She called again, fully opening the door. “Ymir? Are you-oh god.” Historia took in the mess around her. She took a few more steps into the apartment. It was dark, except for the flickering of the TV. She could hear a sound, coming from the kitchen. She made her way to the kitchen, almost tripping several times. On the floor, surrounded by bottles, was Ymir.

“Ymir?” Historia said again. Ymir’s head bolted up, as if in disbelief. She didn’t say anything, just looked at Historia.

“H-Historia?” She asked, voice shaky and broken. Historia took a seat on the ground across from her, and gave her a small smile.

“It’s me.”

“Why’d you come back? You hate me. You’ve moved on.”

“I don’t hate you. And…” Historia took in a breath, “I haven’t moved on, at all.”

“I… what do you mean… But the other day?”

“It was an _act_ , Ymir. That’s all my life is.”

“Historia, don’t.”

“ _It’s true_. I’ve been hiding under the name Christa for years. You were the one thing that wasn’t an act.”

“Listen, okay. I told myself a long time ago I wasn’t going to live for anyone anymore. I was only going to live for myself, because everyone else was shitty. But you..you were the one person in my life, in any relationship I’ve ever had, who ever seemed to genuinely care about me. You…” Ymir’s voice broke again. “You _know_ how shitty I am, how awful I am, but you still cared…” She trailed off. Historia looked almost shocked at this statement.

“I… I don’t understand.”

“My entire life, people have been temporary. They come, they screw me up even more and then they leave. Everyone: my family, all my exes, everyone. I guess I thought you were going to be permanent…” Ymir turned away. “Look, Historia, you should go. I appreciate you coming over, but I think it’d be best if you go…”

“Ymir, stop. All you’ve done is apologize and you shouldn’t be. I’m the one who broke up with you, remember? And I shouldn’t have. I did it with out thinking, thinking that one anonymous text was right. I’m sorry, okay? I really am.” It was Historia’s turn to cry. Ymir turned to her, tears falling down her own face.

“Ymir… You told me, in that letter, to live a life I can be proud of. So, why don’t we try this again? Us, I mean.”

Ymir didn’t say anything. She just pulled Historia into a hug and nodded.

“You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that.” Ymir said, giving Historia a kiss on the lips, and it seemed as if peace had returned to their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this shitty, slightly ooc yumikuri oneshot.  
> in other words im really gay for ymir and also dying inside


End file.
